Starting new habits is tough!

So I have decided that my life needs more discipline and focus. You can tell that over my last few posts. I am sure this is all influenced by multiple things. I have been praying for the Holy Spirit's conviction and I have been reading a collection of items that have it as a theme. I am finishing the Watson work On Holy Violence, The Hidden Smile of God by Piper, A new Holiness devotional by Bridges, and The Unwavering Resolve of Jonathan Edwards by Lawson. The title all push you to see the sheer lack of personal discipline in my life. Totally and completely my fault, and unable to be fixed without God's help. I see in the great men I read about, the hand of God guiding them and convicting them to a higher level for a higher reason. I fear my life if ended now would be OK in some respects and wasted in others. I see in me the old man, the old holding to self-esteem and positive pictures battling with my humble idea of who I am vs. who I should be. The two ideas seem to conflict. I must keep an outlook of positive, but it should only be based on God's will and kindness. I don't deserve positive, I haven't earned it, I can't. I can only see in myself the lack, and ask for God to fill and forgive. I know that life is not guaranteed. I know each time I leave my house, walk up steps, or even play a sport my life could end in some crazy way. I am not guaranteed the breath to finish this post. Neither are my wife and children. This keeps me convicted on my relationship with them. Each time they load up to go to the doctor or women's Bible study, could be the last time. One second later they could be gone. And much like a sports analogy, I can't imagine leaving anything on the field. I want my wife and kids to know I love them with all my heart. That things like my petty past times, naps and comfort will always fall far behind them. And that each smile and laugh they produce is immeasurable to me. I cannot imagine loving them more. But each day I do. I try to make sure that they also know I must put God first. How tough it seems to be sometimes.