It Begins...

Today I am beginning this journal for only two reasons. 1 is for my family down the road to know me by my own words, and 2 for on occasion to give myself the ability to read what I thought about or what process I used to think about certain things. The beginning of this will be my thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc., about the people in my life. I have a constant worry of being called to glory and my loved ones not knowing how I truly felt about them. My list may jump around as these people cross my mind. My list begins with that who I love the most.
The moment I was sovereignly called to the Lord was the greatest moment of my life. The weight of my sin, lack of hope, pure enmity of God had caused me to be a spiritual hunchback, bent over by an evil heart, an empty heart, foolish pride, and fervent nothingness. My life was cold and completely void. My greatest achievements were worth nothing and passed as quickly as they occurred. I ran from one meaningless activity to another, hoping desperately for a way to plug the gaping hole in my soul. I chased dreams not worth having, sought pleasure in depravity and loudly, pridefully led as many as I could down the wide road. Then, as amazingly as can ever be understood by a human mind, the Lord drew me to Him. Once I felt His call and tug at my heart, all other pursuits came crashing down to the sudden accountability of a purpose far above my own.